I have two friends. One is wide, the other tall. Both possess diametrically opposite driving habits. The chunky one is a cheery chap and a great conversationalist. He carries Twizzlers in his bag because we share an affinity for the great red snack. And because he’s a fine friend, he lets me eat as many as I want.

I’ve driven with him countless times on a Sunday afternoon, and he drives like a grandma – careful and slow. I’m polite, so I never say anything, but inside I’m screaming “C’mon brotha! Speed it up already. I’m dying over here!” I’m usually in a coma by the time we reach our destination.

My tall friend is a no-nonsense, aggressive, cut to the chase type. When I drive with him, I’m sweating, not sleeping. Come rain or snow, sleet or heat, he is pedal to the medal from door to door. He works in Salt Lake City by the office I used the mentor at and so we would frequently carpool there and back. Our relationship saved me 30 minutes a day.

Can you guess which of my pals personified Theta, and which one exemplified Delta?

Theta is like my fat friend. This week is a perfect example. Have you noticed the market’s slumber? The S&P 500 has been flirting with a 0.00% change every single day for eight days in a row. I had to offer up a barn full of animal sacrifices to the Gods last night just to finally get things moving today. You’re welcome.

What drove my portfolio over the eight-day spurt was Theta. He had control of the wheel and was pushing my profits at a snail’s pace. It was if I was in the car with my big-boned buddy again trying to stay awake. It was boring. Theta days usually are.

Fortunately for all of us, Delta took control today. Movement, magnificent and glorious, has returned. And just like that, I’m making more moolah today than I’ve made over the past week. Why? Because Delta is driving! He delivers the goods fast-like.

Virtually every trade has exposure to Delta and Theta. Do you have covered calls or naked puts or bull puts? Then your courting both greeks. The reason your profits were slow coming from Monday to Thursday is that Theta was driving the bus.

But today’s profits? That’s all Delta, baby!

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