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Tackle Today: The Impossible Burger 🍔

April 12, 2019

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Tackle Today: The Impossible Burger  (Photo by Lidye on Unsplash)

≈ Jamie, I miss your nuggets. ≈

Going through my boring but necessary routine of reading the news, I’ve become acquainted with the Impossible Burger. The first thing that came into my mind was “Oh, this must be Tom Cruise’s burger for his new Mission Impossible 23 sequel”.

I was wrong.

The Impossible Burger is a meatless patty made by Impossible Foods. Here are the ingredients (so far): Water, Soy Protein Concentrate, Coconut Oil, Sunflower Oil, Natural Flavors, 2% or less of: Potato Protein, Methylcellulose, Yeast Extract, Cultured Dextrose, Food Starch Modified, Soy Leghemoglobin, Salt, Soy Protein Isolate, Mixed Tocopherols (Vitamin E), Zinc Gluconate, Thiamine Hydrochloride (Vitamin B1), Sodium Ascorbate (Vitamin C), Niacin, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride (Vitamin B6), Riboflavin (Vitamin B2), Vitamin B12. 

God only know what half of these are. The Impossible Burger is essentially an amalgam developed by scientists in a lab somewhere.

Impossible to eat.

The Impossible Burger evoked the Impossible Investment: those same “professionally” managed mutual funds we’ve mentioned on the “How chicken nuggets are made” newsletter. People don’t know what goes inside those funds but they invest just the same. I’m pretty sure they won’t change their minds even if you show them a pie chart with the “diversified holdings” breakdown. That is gross.

Call me old-fashioned but I won’t eat a product engineered by a Silicon Valley startup just as I won’t let a “professional fund manager” manage my hard-earned money. Don’t tell me what to do, show me your personal portfolio instead.

“Jamie, get me one of those fresh-made nuggets you’ve served the kids, please. I don’t want to get back to photosynthesis.”

Chart of the Day

Two Impossible Investments

Tackle Today: Two Impossible Investments

Just like the super-healthy Impossible Burger developed by a Silicon Valley startup, we have the super-professionally-managed mutual funds. Here are two actual pie charts showing the breakdown of real-world mutual funds that hold billions in assets.

Would you put your hard-earned money on one of those?

(don’t tell anyone: the 0.8% on the left and the 0.35% on the right are both labeled “Others”).

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